Jul. 5th, 2011

fayance: (pic#637061)
I read my reading page here and so on, but I never seem to remember to post any entries here. My life is so dull, anyway, it's like, "What's the point?" Sigh. Had a very quiet 4th, and today I have to drive my daughter to the next town over for her appointment with her rheumatologist. Which is always followed by a visit to Barnes & Noble so she can buy books; we don't even have a book store in our crappy town (save for a very disorganized Hastings), so any time we go to Midland we stop at the book store. My auto immune crap is really acting up today and I feel very weak and shaky, which will likely trigger an anxiety attack at her stupid dr's office; but that's the way I roll. I can't afford any anxiety meds and the herbal/otc stuff never helps me, so I guess I just deal with it best I can. 

On a different note, I can't believe how quickly summer is rushing by and how much I DREAD going back to work August 1st; I do NOT want to, sigh. The longer I'm home, the more agoraphobic I get, which I know is not good; I NEED this job, even though it's only part time prek teaching, just to get me out of the house and interacting with other people and doing something useful. But this will be year #10 of me working there, and I am really really sick of the way they run things. With each passing year I have more and more issues with my director, sigh, and it's really getting to the point that I hate working there; it's killing my soul. But I can't deal with a full time teaching job because of my health problems, and the one thing my director IS good to me about is working with me and my health crises and my need to take off at certain times, even just working part time, when I have to take Marissa to dr. appointments or therapies or whatever. Anyway...I've been off work since June 6 for summer break and that's without pay, so it's rough financially right now; I won't get paid again till August 15, sigh. So we're basically surviving on a shoestring budget right now, and by August I should be glad to get back to work just to start earning my measly paychecks again. But it's so difficult to try to get my mindset back into working and manage my increasing anxiety levels. The longer I stay home, the harder it is to even leave the house most days, much less get back into the swing of things and deal with a whole new class of rowdy 4 year olds.


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